you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
