I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
