I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
