I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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