I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
