My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
