You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
