i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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