Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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