there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
