So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
