Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
