Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
