i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
