Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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