My balls are so social today.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
