You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
