dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
