my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
