The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
