Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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