You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
