I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
