The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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