Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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