I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
