Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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