i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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