i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
