I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
