The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
