My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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