if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
