if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize