I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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