At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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