well I can't set my house on fire every night
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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