Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
