I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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