He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
