Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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