He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
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Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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