oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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