did you get engaged???
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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