what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
