do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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