Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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