Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
