It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
