how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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