My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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