4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
