It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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