she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
