sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
