she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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