You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
