I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
