YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
