OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Can you bring me the toilet please
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
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