i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
