I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
