You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
