"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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