there's paper in my vomit.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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