Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
