Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
