i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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