dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
