Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
