...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
