Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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