You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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