Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
